The conflict is that I am such a fierce advocate of independence. Especially troubling in a relationship when it is the only thing I feel I have to offer anyone.

I'm not against committment. I support a committment to the sole statement and purpose and truth of the individual.

I honestly can't think of a relationship where this inner struggle did not exist. Even amidst the throes of infatuation, romantisism and sexual intoxication, it lay like the drowned worm in the bottle of tequila. By the time you get to it, you are completely drunk and disillusioned that you are worthless to everone including yourself.

I miss the music. Busy with writing and formating and art as of late. I think as soon as I am through with my latests projects which I do enjoy, I am going to turn out the art light for a while and get back into sound. Sometimes I feel like my art is just empty carbs, tasteful and easily digested, but not a sustainable form of nutrition. Or maybe it is more like Chinese food, hungry soon afterwards. I don't always feel this way, just right now.

When great orchestrators and arrangers die, do they work on the sounds during a storm? "Okay Jones, you got the thunderstorm in Cleveland. Thomas, you handle the same storm in Chagrin Falls when it comes down there. You won't need as many woodwinds. And keep an eye on Reeves with the tympani! Last time he got carried away."

It's Saturday night. I have a lot of stuff I am supposed to do. I don't feel like doing any of it right now. Feel like talking but there is no one to talk with, so I thought I would blog. I've spent up all my energy during the week planning and getting things set up to work on things this weekend, only to find I don't have the creative energy to carry them out. Not that I want to spend all night talking on the phone tonight, but I'm just having a hard time getting motivated. Went out to dinner alone of course, carbed out, had to come home and crash, woke up around 8:30 at night. Need to get some caffeine, take meds, but on the headphones with some Beethoven and start. Tea is in the microwave - guess that's what they call microbrewing. Anyway, got to stir this bear in my soul from his slumber...

I thought I was going to utilize this blog a lot more than I have been, talking about things that I was working on, things I've discovered, etc. I just haven't had the time. I have been working on a few commissioned art projects and a sculpture as well as working my usual 64 hours a week. I haven't been out riding my motorcycle as much as I would like and I haven't been working on my music like I had planned. Things are just spinning out of control, trying to hold on by the tether of obligations right now.

Other than that, I am happy to be busy. The projects that I have are exciting ones to me, interesting subject matter and I have a lot of room to interpret. My best friend is coming to town in a few weeks, just for a few hours, and I hope to do some more recording with spoken word with him playing bass or guitar or whatever.

Overall this past year has been a real exciting one as far as putting the asphalt under the rubber. My music studio is set up for recording. I have the blog "conjure-this" that is a home for my art, writing and music, and I am busy creating. All cylinders are firing.

OTHER ART BLOG ADDRESS

For my other blog, that shows more art, poetry and prose, music and video, go to http://conjure-this.blogspot.com

INTRODUCTION

This is a new blog dealing with my ideas, journal, revelations. My other blog is conjure-this.blogspot.com and that has examples of my poetry, music and art. There I have at least one new poem a week, posted on Monday nights, as well as ongoing additions of art and music and other prose/poetry.

I have worked in a lot of different mediums and I wanted to have a place where I can share some of the things I've learned about the artistic process. There are common threads or is a common frame of mind that pursuit of all artistic endeavors have in common. It is something you know, you feel, and I am on a journey to better articulate this by reading and listening to the ideas of others on this subject to better understand, at least to myself, what this is about.